Elimidate: Middle Earth, Episode Four
by Scarlett Moonchild
Summary: After being burned by Aragorn in Episode Two, Éowyn goes on Elimidate to find true love. FINAL EPISODE! RR!


**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, I just let them play in my yard once in awhile.**

**A/N: I SWEAR this will be the last Elimidate episode I write for LotR…I only did this one because I had promised a few people that I would write one for Éowyn…so without further ado, here comes…**

**Elimidate: Middle Earth, Episode Four**

**Chapter One: Almost Too Easy…**

VOICE FROM NOWHERE: 1…2…3…4! Elimidate! (music starts) She made it to the final round in a previous show, before getting brutally eliminated! Now she calls the shots, as two Men, a Hobbit and a Dwarf battle to win her affections. Who will survive to the final round…and who will be Elimidated? Stay tuned to find out.

A lone television camera sits in the middle of the courtyard at Minas Tirith, underneath the symbolic white tree. A beautiful maiden, with hair like spun gold and eyes like sapphires, approaches the camera and begins to talk to it, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

_Éowyn to camera: Hello, I'm Éowyn, of Rohan, and I hope I meet my knight in shining armor today. (A bitter expression comes over her face) The last time I was on this show, I thought I had found true love at last, when I was cast aside for a dark haired she-Elf! It was completely out of left-field too; he flirted with me shamelessly for a long time before he took the other woman over me! (Her face returns to its serene smile, and she smooths her hair and dress) However, I'm looking forward to being able to choose for myself from a pool of available Men, so let's get this party started!_

From the other end of the courtyard, a short but stout being begins to walk toward the camera. He has a long red beard, a large nose, and big bushy red eyebrows. He wears brown leather garments, together with a cape made by the Elves and held together with a leaf pendant. On his back, a great-axe glitters in the afternoon sun.

_Gimli to camera: I'm Gimli, son of Gloin, and I've been smitten by the lovely Éowyn since we began to travel to Helm's Deep before the battle there. I thought Aragorn was going to try for her, so I never made a move. But today that's going to change! Something about her reminds me of Lady Galadriel; maybe it's the hair. If I squint my eyes just right, she almost looks like her…and that's good enough for me!_

Gimli walks calmly up to Éowyn and kisses her hand. She freezes in shock.

"Gimli?" she finds her voice at last, "What are you doing here?"

Gimli grinned through his beard. "I'm here to participate in this show, in hopes of winning your hand."

Éowyn is a bit taken aback, although she tries not to show it. "But Gimli, we're friends! I had no idea you…"

Gimli swept off his helmet and bowed his head. "Milady, I will prove to you tonight, the charms of the mining folk are not to be outdone by the silly tongues of Men."

Éowyn looks a bit horrified by that last thought, but lets it slide. "Oh look! Someone else is coming!"

_Éowyn to camera: This is a surprise, for sure! I had no clue Gimli felt anything for me! (shakes her head)_

_Gimli to camera: Cake. (winks)_

Another short creature has approached the camera from another side of the courtyard. He is wearing the costume of the Rohirrim, and is barefoot. In fact, his feet are very large compared to the rest of his body, and quite furry. The hair on his head was no less curly and thick, nearly hiding his pointy ears and snapping blue eyes.

_Merry to camera: 'Ello there! I'm Merry Brandybuck, and I'm here to show Lady Éowyn a good time. I've been in love with her ever since she took time at camp to teach me swordplay. Then she further swept me off my feet by taking me into battle before her on the horse she rode. (His eyes close in bliss) I cannot describe the feeling of her arms around me; even in the midst of battle, it was obvious that she had feelings for me._

Merry sidles up to Éowyn, who is in even greater shock by now. "Merry? What…?"

He grins. "Milady, I've come to take you away from all of…this," he gestured at Gimli in particular, who ran his thumb menacingly over his axe. "I've been waiting so long to tell you how I felt, and after the War, things got really confusing."

Éowyn shook her head in distress. "You can say that again!"

"After the War, things got…"

"Merry! It was just a figure of speech," she cut him off abruptly. "I didn't mean for you to actually repeat it."

"Oh. Sorry."

_Éowyn to camera: Well, the date gets even more shocking as we go along. I never realized I had such an effect on the members of the Fellowship. (scowls, thinking of Aragorn) Well…some of the members anyway._

_Merry to camera: Gimli? Oy, this ought to be easy. (chuckles)_

_Gimli to camera: Still cake. (winks again)_

Another person, in the meantime, has crept up to the camera and begun introducing himself. Thankfully, this person is taller than the previous two, but is wearing so much black robe that Éowyn can't make out who it is, from where she stands.

_Grima to camera: I am Grima…some call me Wormtongue. I assure you, I will have the woman I seek. I have loved her since I was sent to corrupt her uncle, King Theoden, by… (he spat as he said the now-dead Wizard's name) …Saruman! I knew there was no chance for me while Theoden was still alive; that brat of a brother of hers would've had me killed!_

He walks up to Éowyn, who visibly recoils from him. "Fair enough," he concedes. "You've only seen the darker, rough side of me thus far. I'd like to give you the chance to see the rest of me."

_Éowyn to camera: I hope that doesn't mean clothes are coming off. (looks slightly ill)_

Gimli coughed. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Grima sneered, baring his yellowed rotten teeth. "Luckily you're already near to the ground, Dwarf, so your vomit won't have to travel far."

The angry Dwarf hefted his axe from its holster on his back and took a step toward the ugly Man.

"Stop!" Éowyn at last found her voice. "None of that…all of you will be given an equal chance." She sighed heavily. "Although at the moment it pains me to even be here."

Merry looked crestfallen. Éowyn noticed this and corrected herself. "That's not what I meant, young Meriadoc." He gave her a half-smile and went back to glaring at Grima.

_Merry to camera: Poor lady. I'm sure she'll weed out the horrid ones and pick me at the end of it all! I mean LOOK at everyone else so far._

_Grima to camera: At least I'm her height! She couldn't possibly pick one of the short ones over me._

_Gimli to camera: Cake, Cakety-Cake, Cake, Cake! (winks twice)_

_Éowyn to camera: Oy vey._

In all the commotion, no one had noticed a very handsome, and familiar-looking Man approach the camera from the fourth side of the courtyard, and begin to introduce himself. The Man had shoulder-length hair and piercing blue eyes. He wore the white tree of Gondor on his tunic, and had a sword shackled at his waist.

_Faramir to camera: I am Faramir, son of Denethor, the former Steward of Gondor. Now that the King has returned to take his place in the halls of his ancestors, I am quite out of a job at the moment, being the only surviving member of the Steward family. After the War, I had to take up residence in the Houses of Healing, being near death. I observed the fair maiden walking about the gardens in sadness and talked with her some while I was healing. I think I might have made a good impression on her, and I hope to finish the job and win her heart on this show._

Faramir strode into the middle of the staring competition between Merry, Gimli and Grima. Éowyn noticed him and brightened. "Faramir!" The other contestants turned and regarded him warily.

The handsome Gondorian took the beautiful woman's hand and bowed low over it, planting a kiss on her knuckles. "Milady Éowyn, it is lovely to see you again. And you look quite beautiful, I might add."

_Éowyn to camera: Points to Faramir! So far, he's the only one who has complimented me._

Éowyn blushed, and the other three saw their chances beginning to diminish in the presence of this fair-tongued Man.

_Merry to camera: WHY didn't I think of that? (smacks self in the head)_

_Gimli to camera: Smooth man…very smooth. (looks slightly troubled)_

_Grima to camera: No matter. She is an intelligent woman and more likely to be swayed by good conversation than foolish kisses. I still think I have a better chance than this…son of a Steward._

_Faramir to camera: Ha! Look at my competition…there is no way I can lose at this. (grins at the camera and his teeth sparkle)_

_Éowyn to camera: If I could eliminate someone before the date even started, I'd lose Grima. I'm going to try as hard as I can to be nice, but I can tell this won't be a very fun date._

VOICE FROM NOWHERE: (music starts again) Stay tuned to find out who will be eliminated in the first round, right here on…Elimidate!

The male members of the group looked around in shock. "Where is that voice coming from?" they all spoke at once.

Éowyn rolled her eyes. "I forgot about that stupid disembodied voice. Don't worry about it. It's annoying but it's harmless. It simply announces the commercial breaks."

Merry looked confused. "What are commercials?"

Éowyn sighed. "Never mind."

**/TBC**


End file.
